


When All Else Fails: Ramen!

by heregoes



Category: Naruto
Genre: Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Multi, Trans Haruno Sakura, Trans Hyuuga Hinata, Trans Uzumaki Naruto, WAIT I THOUGHT OF A POTENTIAL SQUICK, and 'dude stop ur making it weird' as an answer., barely any real conflict, i didnt know the meaning of the word self indulgent until i started writing this last year, idk how to phrase but basically, idk if itll rly come up but like ITS TRUE, idk maybe sai will say smn deep n ull be like 'wow i relate', its a wonder i love the characters so much, its never going to go anywhere too deep like rating wise or content wise, its up to u if u wanna decide ive never watched the anime, kishimoto how did u strike such a goldmine and then lose all the gold so fast, o also i nvr read naruto, sai and sakura are friends, sai refuses to take 'what the hell are you talking about'
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2020-08-12 04:44:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20163292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heregoes/pseuds/heregoes
Summary: Naruto tilted his head slowly, eyes narrowing and lips pursing. "I... don't get it."Sai blinked, then reiterated as clearly as he could, "Would you, Naruto, go out on a date with me?"Naruto's expression only turned more confused. "What?"Sai turned away, looking down at where his hands were already opening the book back up again. "I don't know how much plainer to put it."





	1. I refuse to spell it out, but I will just keep repeating the same phrase until you get it.

**Author's Note:**

> does anyone care abt sairuto. whatever. idek if its endgame but like ive had... a genuinely wonderful time writing what ive written so far and like theres LITERALLY no story but its just fun and pretty calm and like.... theres no war, cuz naruto is a walking beacon of peace its fun its chill its mimosa time. also writing this inspired me to paint my first abstract piece and it was really really fun (even if it didnt quite come out how i wanted) :)
> 
> LMAO i only just came up with the title rn (in my folders its just sairuto) and like its literally a quote from this fic so i cant even say its not appropriately like... cringe.....but im laughign and its literally making me so giddy im so sorry to anyone who would have read this fic if it had a better title

For all of Naruto's (and company's) criticisms of Sai's faults and inabilities to interact with people normally, even Sai could note that many of Naruto's friends held the same opinion of Naruto himself. Everyone considered him rather loud and obnoxious and troublesome, and more, but that didn't seem to stop him from being able to get along.

Naruto didn't... _seem_ to have trouble connecting with people, as he was able to make friends of basically anyone he considered worth the trouble. And it was often trouble. Sai didn't completely relish their journey, though he was glad it happened.

But, then, maybe Naruto had trouble letting people connect to _him_, instead? He held a high opinion of his bonds with people in the village and out, but didn't really hold any kind of faith that he could rely on them to support him for the sake of supporting him. They would do the right thing, because they were good people, but not because he was at all important, no matter what his over-boisterous boasts would imply.

Not that Sai would have made that assumption alone, but he's heard a lot on equivalency, and Naruto preached conditionless kindness. Though, he acted against that more often than not. Naruto was rude and uncouth and lacked most kinds of tact, but he was loyal through and through, once he'd decided you weren't a lost cause.

Naruto was an enigma, really. That was all that Sai could certainly say. Naruto was his own opposition, through and through, and it bled into his relationships.

The best example Sai had learned from was Naruto's connection to the former terrorist Uchiha Sasuke. In pursuit of him, Naruto struggled to explain himself, torn between cursing the man for being born and mimicking praises Sakura could recognize as ones she used to sing before... everything. Sai never knew the girl who boasted for Sasuke like a personal bard, but neither Naruto nor Sakura were keen on hiding that facet of her past.

The man had since been redeemed and reinstated as a Konoha ninja, only after the council that puppeteered the Hokage had been tried and thrown and turned in for their crimes and shit attitudes. The daimyo had their own trials, and Naruto still struggled to draw appropriate lines between their powers, since everyone could agree that ninja shouldn't be in charge of much of anything, and high focus on military power accomplished nothing but creating more soldiers who would yearn for a war to fight in.

Naruto was an enigma, certainly. The most powerful ninja in the world, in one of the highest positions of power, and he'd completely struck down the world's Way of Ninja, reinstating his own, peace-pushing version. It would seem tyrannical, except the civillians who'd hated him, and who'd hated the Kazekage, sang praises for their rescued children. The clans, now run by the children they'd raised, eagerly acquiesed to the new Way of Ninja, happy to strike down harmful, toxic traditions in favor of artful, beautiful, _safe_ ones.

Naruto, not alone, but louder than the Kazekage and Duck and Sakura-chan, impressively, was a beacon of change and hope and peace. This also made him the go-to for complaints and unearned ire, but Naruto was used to that.

All in all, despite everything, he wasn't really much different from when Sai had first met him. For that, Sai was a bit grateful, since he didn't feel much transformed beyond the first time he'd truly smiled at Naruto. Sure, he knew he was growing, but it was slow and unsteady and he still screwed up more than he succeeded.

Naruto related. He'd told him so. Sai told him, in return, that he'd expect as much. That had earned him a bruise on his tailbone for the abrupt push he'd recieved, and no apology.

Sai shifted at the memory, and Naruto pressed into his shoulder, trying to keep a good angle on the book they were reading.

"This doesn't seem right at all," Naruto murmured. "Where are you getting these books, anyway? I never saw them before in there..."

"Are you implying that you'd have looked for them?"

Naruto spluttered, refused the accusation, and settled on a "Shut up!" before turning away, glaring out at the bumbling crowd of lunchtime shoppers. Some people glanced over at them, mostly adults, who stared a bit oddly at seeing the Hokage so casually sitting on a fountain bench, in jeans and a tee and such a foul look on his face.

He was in his twenties, and a lot of them didn't quite realize that.

"Well, I haven't had astounding results with anything in this series, anyway. It really does seem like a lot of these things are meant to be learnt through experience, and I can't help but feel like it might just be a bit late for me to pick these things up naturally," Sai said frankly, not in the least morose or wistful, just accepting of the fact that he would likely always be as offputting as he'd been accused of being for most of his social life.

"Yeah, I hear ya," Naruto agreed, mouth twisted uncomfortably to one side of his face. He watched the crowd, but avoided eyes, gaze just unfocused enough to blur any details. "And, yaknow, sometimes you really do practice something your whole life, and it just isn't something you'll ever be able to do."

Sai nodded, not deigning to reply since that was exactly what he'd said, and turned a page since Naruto seemed like he wasn't going to be following along anymore.

Naruto sighed, moving his hand and leaning back just dangerously enough for Sai to peek over and make sure he wouldn't be falling backward into the fountain. Naruto had a prosthetic, it worked phenomenally, fingers responsive enough for his seal-forming, even if the arm itself wasn't suited for battle. Not that that was much of a concern, since he was much stronger than any thing and any one these days, with or without an arm. When he was on the clock, officially, with the hat and cloak and all, he wore the arm as well. But when he was relaxing, taking time for himself, rare as it was, he didn't. Sai suspected his time home alone didn't see him with an extra arm, either.

That's what it was now. Extra.

"It sure would be nice to have someone who knew anything about that kind of stuff around," Naruto muttered. "I'd ask Ino or Sakura-chan, but they're more likely to take my other arm for bothering them with something so basic than give me any actual info."

Sai hummed in agreeance, then blinked at the paragraph he was reading. "I'd like to hear your thoughts on this portion, Naruto-kun."

"Hit me with it."

"'In cases of love, repetition and constant barrages of requests for attention and reciprocation isn't the way to go. This is more likely to drive someone away, than have them feel touched at your obvious emotion for them.'"

Naruto thought for a second. "Well. No, I'd say that's dumb, too! I think the only way to keep yourself in someones thoughts is to force your way in! Plus, Sakura-chan is one of the most sociably responsible people I know, and that's how she-"

"Drove Sasuke-san away from Konoha?"

"Wh- No! What? No!"

"Well, I don't recall her pursuing Ino like that."

"That's because Ino pursued Sakura and persuaded her into loving her."

"Is that how it works? Persuasion?"

Naruto started to respond in affirmative, then closed his mouth and pouted, brows furrowed as he delved deep into thought. "Well, if someone doesn't love you back immediately, I guess, yeah. Or if there's a bunch of baggage you need to get over, y'know? You need to make them see that it's worth wading through, especially if they're really adamant that they'd rather not."

"Is there such thing as too much baggage?"

Naruto looked at Sai for a minute, then looked up thoughtfully. "I guess... it depends on the person."

"How do you know if you're trespassing another person's limits?"

"Well, if you love them, you just know! You might mess up on accident sometimes, but you'll know where the real limits are, and because you love them, you won't cross them."

Sai looked down at the ink on the pages, face a bit troubled. "You'll just... know?"

"Yup. When you love someone, you're extra thoughtful when it comes to them, so you pick up on things easier. Evolution did that, you know."

Sai hummed, closing his book delicately, resting his hand on the cover on his lap. He thought over this for a few minutes, during which Naruto was happy to bask silently in the midday sun, eyes closed and face tilted up to soak in the rays. Sai reached back to dip his hand into the fountain, musing that he probably shouldn't sit out in the sun too much longer.

"Naruto, may I ask you something?"

Naruto opened his eyes and looked over to him, expression flat but expectant. He didn't seem to expect anything in particular, probably just another question about the text. Sai looked down, doubting his instincts.

"Sai? You good?"

Sai nodded, mouth twisting slightly. He swallowed, then looked up and fixed Naruto with a considering look. "Would you go out on a date with me?"

Naruto went still. Sai couldn't quite fathom the way his body felt. Was he getting sick? He should head inside soon, it really was quite hot out today.

Naruto tilted his head slowly, eyes narrowing and lips pursing. "I... don't get it."

Sai blinked, then reiterated as clearly as he could, "Would you, Naruto, go out on a date with me?"

Naruto's expression only turned more confused. "What?"

Sai turned away, looking down at where his hands were already opening the book back up again. "I don't know how much plainer to put it."

"No... why? Why are you asking me that?"

Sai paused, thinking over his words carefully. "You said that when you love someone, you just know."

Naruto leaned forward so he could lift his hand to scratch at his temple without falling backward. "Ah, thinking more on it, I don't think anything I said could really apply to you. Your instincts are all messed up, about these things."

"It's just a matter of intel collection and assessment, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but you don't exactly... do either of those right when it comes to things like friends and stuff. We're friends, Sai, don't worry about it any more than that," Naruto told him, reaching over to pat his leg, smiling a bit pityingly.

Sai's mouth twisted with discomfort and he expected that his expression was a bit put off, by how Naruto winced and backed off, pulling himself to his feet and mumbling something about whether he thought he could stomach ramen in such hot weather.

Sai stood silently, following Naruto all the way to Ichiraku's, resolving to stick to Naruto's advice, regardless of what he'd said about its pertinence to him.

Naruto's laugh rang through the tower, keeping everyone within thirty feet's vicinity of his personal quarters completely at ease with the current state of the state itself.

Ino's laugh only barely rivaled his as she wheezed through her mouthful of drink, struggling not to choke. Everyone else around the table was rather silent in character, smiling or chuckling at the drunken antics of the Hokage.

Gaara leaned into Naruto's arm, which had wrapped around him when Naruto started guffawing, and Sai wondered, not for the first time, whether Naruto really had been right about Sai's misplaced, unofficial confession of sorts. He wasn't jealous of how touchy Naruto could be with the people closer to him, and he knew that was a hallmark of romantic interest.

The Kazekage and his family was visiting, which was often a time of high spirits for the ninja of Konoha, who were used to such visits being stressful and all-too-likely disguised attacks on the village.

The way Temari ruffled Naruto's hair as she settled over back down on the other side of Gaara made spoke highly of the bonds between Naruto and the siblings of the Sand. Even Sasuke, who was next to Sai, of all people, didn't seem the slightest bit uneasy or alert. In fact, he moved up to pour more sake out for Temari and Gaara, knocking Naruto's glass when he tried to move in for a refill himself.

"You've definitely had too much, dobe. You don't want to throw up on Gaara and ruin political relations, do you?"

Gaara waved a hand, cutting off Naruto's retort before it could start. "Now, I wouldn't say I'm nearly as temperamental as the reputation that preceded me would suggest. But yes, Naruto, I would suggest we keep possibility of more... accidents... to a minimum."

Naruto snorted, pressing his lips to the rim of his empty glass. Sai did not watch how his bottom lip pressed against the very see-through glass. "It's not like I haven't had like, half of my sake get burned up by Kurama. I'm barely even buzzed."

"No, you only laughed that hard because you're a closet sadist," Kankuro grumbled, coming to sit down on the other side of Sasuke. His shirt had been replaced by one of Naruto's, was a bit tight, and had a drawing of a man with very sparkly eyes and a very big sword on it. "I'm not returning this shirt."

Naruto hummed his laughter, eyes crinkled in glee at seeing Kankuro so peeved. "S'fine. I've got two of those, anyways."

Gaara looked up at him with a curious expression.

Naruto coughed and looked to Sasuke who pointedly avoided looking at anyone at the table.

Sakura padded in softly, still looking at Kankuro apologetically, settling in next to Ino. Ino kissed her cheek as she sat down, gently nosing her ear.

"You good, forehead?"

"Yeah, thanks piggy," Sakura said earnestly, shooting a nervous smile to Kankuro who waved her off. "So, what'd I miss?"

Naruto jerked his chin to Kankuro. "Why'd you give him that shirt?"

Sakura blinked in confusion. "I mean, you have two of them. I didn't figure you'd miss one, considering."

"Sakura?"

Sakura rolled her eyes over to Sasuke, suddenly picking up on the room's energy and fighting the mischievous grin curling the corners of her mouth. "Hm?"

"Shut up."

Sai accidentally met Temari's confused gaze. She tilted her head at him.

Sai looked to Sasuke, who was staring angrily, but not glaring quite, at Sakura, whose eyes were just as delightedly crinkled as Naruto's were.

"Ah. If I recall correctly, neither Kakashi-sensei nor Sasuke-san knew what to purchase for Naruto on his birthday, and happened to get him the same shirt because they'd remembered a movie he'd been fairly talkative about for a week prior to his birthday."

Sasuke stood abruptly, going to Tsunade's old cabinet, which she'd left behind as a housewarming gift before she'd gone off to who knows where with Shizune on her heels again. He pulled out a bottle of some stronger liquor, glared over at Naruto and held it up. "This is mine now."

Naruto waved his hand, allowing it, despite it being clear that Sasuke wasn't _asking, _and consequently removing his arm from around Gaara. He turned to Gaara, then, who seemed to flush suddenly. Sai noted that their faces were rather close to each other. Naruto's body temperature could get a bit hot, so maybe that was it?

"Yeah, he and Kaka-sensei are still really shitty friends, honestly. Sakura was the only one who got the hint and actually bought tickets to go see it."

Sakura was grinning smugly, reaching over to pat Sasuke's hand. "It's okay, buddy. I've had a lot more practice at being normal."

"I hate you."

"You'll do better next time, I'm sure," she assured him. "And when all else fails: ramen."

"Ramen!" Naruto toasted, picking up Gaara's glass and taking a chug from it before handing it over to Gaara, whose entire face was red.

"Ramen!" The rest of the group cheered, taking generous sips of whatever beverage they had available.

A few hours later Gaara was lingering around the door to the guestroom, where his brother and sister were already passed out. Sakura and Ino were well on their way home, and Sasuke was passed out at the table, drunker than anyone else had gotten.

Sai didn't really know what to do with himself. He wasn't quite ready to face the cold night, going back to his apartment after having this steady fuzz of conversation, but from the way Gaara's eyes seemed to keep moving over to him while he chatted with Naruto quietly, Sai got the feeling that the Kage wanted some privacy.

Sai wasn't upset by the notion, but he wasn't keen to give it to them either.

He couldn't figure why.

So he compromised and turned to Sasuke, pulling out his pouch of drawing materials- he took them everywhere, his hobby encouraged by persistent peace across the nation- and began to draw on Sasuke's face with a marker, rather than his brush.

Second strongest ninja in the world, so scary he could pressure Sai into showing him undue respects, and Sai was having a damn blast drawing as many crude penises as he could all over every bit of exposed skin that wouldn't be immediately visible to him.

"Hey, Sai!"

Sai capped his marker and looked up to Naruto who was gliding on over, settling back down at the table. Sai folded his hands over the marker over the table's surface, glancing over to see that the Kazekage had likely retreated to his room.

"S'just you 'n me now," Naruto said conspiratorily, grabbing Temari's half-empty glass and pouring it into his own. "Unless you've got something better to do."

Sai looked over to Sasuke, smiled timidly, and directed the expression to Naruto. "Of course I don't."

Naruto snorted. "Right."

Naruto leaned over to set the glass closer to Sai, and scooted over so he was sitting next to him. His hand came to hover next to Sai's. "Can I borrow that?"

Sai didn't hesitate in handing him the marker and leaning back, definitely didn't react to how Naruto rubbed against his chest when he leaned in front of him to draw on Sasuke some more.

Sai watched Naruto draw, content to sit in silence. Naruto scribbled some boogers coming out of Sasuke's nose, gave him a soul patch, and drew pubes on the balls of Sai's penises. It truly was one of the more touching collaborations Sai ever took part in.

With a content sigh, Naruto capped the marker with his teeth and leaned back, placing it in front of Sai. "Thanks. I needed that."

"I did, too."

Naruto snickered, crossing his arms on the table. "You don't need to let him bully you, yaknow. He won't actually do anything if you don't treat him like a freakin' prince."

Sai winced. "I'd rather not chance it. Some of us have dicks to look after. You've already cut off all your family jewels."

Naruto made a harsh noise and slapped at Sai's arm, making Sai... smile.

And then his mouth opened on impulse.

"Naruto-kun. Could I ask you a question?"

Naruto nodded, eyes closing as he rested his head in his crossed arms, still pouting. "What's up."

"Will you go out with me?"

Naruto's eyes opened and he fixed Sai with a disgruntled look. "That again?"

Sai only smiled at him.

Naruto turned his head in towards his arms, hiding some of his face but keeping his eyes on Sai. "Is this gonna be a thing with you?"

Again, Sai didn't say anything, only waited for a reply to his question.

Naruto sighed, burying his face. "Dude, just leave that, okay?"

Sai hummed, not agreeing or disagreeing. The pair sat in silence for awhile until Sai realized that Naruto had fallen asleep.

He uncapped his marker again.


	2. Happy birthday, rude little boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sasuke will always end up being my oc who just also happens to be named sasuke and bears no relation to the original. bon apetit

Sasuke never made any pretenses. He never bothered to be even barely polite to Sai, despite Sai's struggle to be as agreeable as possible, despite Sasuke's rudeness. There were a lot of hard feelings, though Sai couldn't figure it had anything to do with his attempts to kill Sasuke. Naruto had injured him far worse, Sakura had also attempted to kill him, and he was much kinder to them.

Sai wasn't a mat to be walked over, but he wasn't stupid either. In a fight, Sasuke would win.

But in a war? That was yet to be determined.

The fact of it being a war wasn't actually something Sai was clued into until some time after the second instance he'd asked Naruto out. It was after the ink had washed out and after Naruto had finally figured out it _wasn't_ Sasuke who'd woken up and drawn on _his_ face in revenge, but Sai, who was shameless and picked no sides.

Naruto and Sasuke had shown up to Sai's apartment sweaty and pissed, though Sasuke looked more resigned than angry. They hadn't knocked, but climbed in through his window and made a ruckus, drawing him out from the bathroom where he'd been wiping his ass. Which, fortunately, was a fact that made Naruto shut up a bit when it came to light.

His energy zapped with a bit of grossed-out-ness and guilt, Naruto crossed his arms, prosthetic equipped, fixing Sai with a determined glare while he washed his hands in the kitchen sink with dish soap. "You owe us _reparations_."

"Alright," Sai agreed easily, drying his hands on a seemingly brand new dish rag. "Ramen?"

Sasuke grimaced and Naruto lit up, overjoyed at the easy acquiescence and offer of his favorite meal.

"Yes!"

"Gods, _no_."

Naruto faced Sasuke with a miffed sort of pout, and Sai went to grab his wallet and drawing pouch. He didn't take keys anywhere. His apartment was perpetually locked, since he could easily break in, and anyone who would be coming over would be ninja enough to take the window instead.

"Why the hell not, Sasuke?"

"It's too fucking _hot_, dobe. Besides, you owe me, too."

"You didn't even _want_ to do this."

That wasn't surprising. He was probably only here to bleed Sai's wallet dry for sake of it.

"Something cold. Please."

Naruto paused, sniffed, then walked over to the window. "Fine. Soba."

"Sounds good," Sai nodded, coming up to the window and gesturing for Sasuke to exit first. Sasuke curled a lip at him and moved ahead, not at all mindful of how his cloak swung.

Sai gave himself half a second to vent out a dirty look, then dropped the expression and set to following the two of them.

When they arrived, Sai held out his wallet and let Naruto snatch it out of his palm, marching ahead to order for all three of them.

That left the two black-haired ninja alone. Together. Luckily, with a task.

Normally, in the few amount of times this had happened, Sai would just smile and let Sasuke brood.

This time, Sasuke drew in close to Sai, stopping him from moving forward to find a table, looked him directly in eye, making Sai too tense to even pretend he was unbothered. "What are your intentions?"

Sai didn't blink, but he let his brows furrow. "What do you mean?"

Sasuke's nostrils flared, but he kept his voice low. "With Naruto. He complained about you... pursuing him."

Sai let out a dawning 'ah', and relaxed his posture, smiling at Sasuke. "My intentions so far have remained entirely pure. I certainly wouldn't harass him for his looks."

Sasuke's face crumpled in confusion, mixed with the disgust that was ever present when he looked at Sai. His mouth opened and closed a few times, strangling a few 'what's and 'you's. Finally Sasuke reached up and grabbed Sai's collar, bringing his face down so Sai could feel the moisture of Sasuke's sweat evaporating. "Back off. You're no good for him."

Sai snorted. "And you are?"

Sasuke's eyes widened and he shoved Sai away, turning to stalk towards a table in the far corner. Sai rubbed at his neck, following just close enough to catch Sasuke's grumbled words.

"I'm trying to be."

Sai... couldn't fault him that, actually. But he wasn't a mat to be walked on.

So when Naruto sauntered over, Sai scooted far to the wall and patted the cushioning next to him, smiling invitingly. Naruto smiled, nose wrinkling, and scooted in just as planned.

Sai leaned forward, bringing an elbow up to squish his cheek against his palm in a measured way. "So, what's been going on, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto chuckled, still looking perturbed, but folded his arms on the table, shrugging. "I dunno man. Work, you know? Nothing but work."

"Now, that's not true," Sai accused playfully. "There's also ramen."

Naruto grinned. "Yeah, alright, you're right. I'm lucky that work and fun cross over so much for me, but... Hm."

Sai's playful smile dropped, and his plan to flirt all afternoon dissolved. "But?"

Naruto shrugged, looking up at Sasuke, who was looking at him like he already knew what he wanted to say. Naruto sighed and looked down. "I dunno. Sometimes I feel like I'm not actually cut out for all of this. My saving grace is my charisma, and that goes right out the window when people are being fucking assholes. Did you hear that there was a terrorist in Suna recently, protesting the Alliance and trying to start a war by pinning it on us? We're lucky it was Konoha that got blamed. Well, and that it was Suna that got hit. Gaara’s smart, at least."

Sai chewed on the inside of his lip, dropping his hand from his cheek. "We've been getting news of a lot of people who aren't happy with the state of the world as it's trying to be. They feel like the endeavor to instill peace is... a farce."

"Which is stupid," Sasuke cut in. "It's true, actually, but let it last. Sure, eventually people will forget just how bad things used to be, and get bored with things being good, but war and conflict have their own natural cycles. Let it come around on its own instead of being a mediocre instigator."

"That's an... awfully pessimistically optimistic way to see it all."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Without numbskull here to keep everyone in line, people are going to wreak havoc just for the hell of breaking the still waters. People go crazy in monotony, which is all that peace promises. If you don't have the memory of suffering to make you love the calm, you're drawn to its creation. Like an instinct to try to understand, intimately, what peace and life are worth."

Naruto sighed. "Do we really need to talk about this crap? It's all going over my head. All I hear is Sasuke being an edgelord and Sai being a yes-man."

"It's worth talking about, Naruto. Do you have anything in place for when you die? How do you expect to motivate people from beyond the grave? You're basically some kind of god to most people, and that's a dangerous vantage point to play from," Sasuke pressed.

"No, I don't," Naruto drawled. "I figure I'll just live forever with Kurama to sustain me and let the cycle of conflict and chaos start with me, losing my mind with immortality."

"Not funny."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. You guys aren't half as reassuring as Shikamaru or Sakura-chan.” Naruto closed his eyes and leaned his chair back on its hind legs, obviously fixing to tune them out. Sasuke met Sai’s stare stride for stride, and overcome by the sudden discomfort, Sai’s leg kicks out and pulls back- sending Naruto sprawling back with his chair with a yelp.

He sat up, rubbing his neck and glared under the table. Upon standing up, he pointed at Sasuke’s shocked expression, mirror to Sai’s when he looked down and saw Sasuke’s leg sticking out, like he was intending to do the same.

“You’re going down, today, asshole!” Naruto declared, fuming. He pulled the chair up roughly and sat down, huffing and puffing. “After we eat.”

Surprisingly, Sasuke didn’t bother pinning the kick on Sai.

Sai followed them back, not that he was invited, to the training grounds which saw less and less use with no children to train into genin and clan combat traditions being kept closer to the chest for civility's sake.

He sat down on a patch of grass out of the way, after catching the shirt Naruto haphazardly tossed away, only coincidentally in his direction. He folded it on his lap, pulled out his pouch and opened up his tiny sketchbook, one of many he'd taken to filling with all kinds of doodles and ideas.

Naruto and Sasuke fought. The both of them seemed to have dropped off their frustration at the restaurant, all calm focus and strategic movement, nearly dancing around each other to prolong the spar. Sai didn't observe them too much, only let his eyes linger on Naruto's torso and muscles and glimpses of his face for half a second, before returning to his aimless doodling.

Finally Sasuke had had enough, pushed Naruto away and cracked his knuckles against his torso, rolled his shoulders, and jerked his chin to Sai.

Naruto didn't comment on the sudden end to their fight, just came over to Sai and sat down, and Sai didn't breathe any differently between the change in grass-smell to sweaty-Naruto smell, and didn't jerk any more than usual when Naruto nudged him with his elbow.

"I think the bastard wants a switch in sparring partner."

Sai closed his book, set it beside him, and handed Naruto his shirt. Naruto snorted at the neatly folded cloth, and messed it up by using it as a towel, wiping at his pits and neck. In that order.

"Well?" Sasuke asked harshly, subtly shifting his weight back and forth between feet.

Sai stood, leaned back with his hands on his waist, leaned and leaned until he heard a pop, then stood straight, looking Sasuke in the eye with no small amount of annoyance. "I won't owe you anything after this."

Sasuke huffed, turned away to start circling.

Sai joined in, watching Sasuke watch him. He subtly brought a kunai down to his hand from his sleeve, the hidden weapon nothing more than a force of habit, and when Sasuke moved towards him, he whipped it up, relishing Sasuke's wince at the scream between the metals of their knives.

Naruto made a surprised yelling sort of noise, scrambling to a standing position. "Hey, what the fuck, Sasuke?!"

"It's fine," the both of them said, one much less happy to hear that from the other.

Sai continued, eyes never leaving Sasuke's. "I'm sure he knew that I'd be able to block. Sasuke-san is a rather admirable strategist. I'm predictable."

Naruto half-jogged up to just the very end of what would still be out-of-the-way of the spar. "That's still not right. You can't change the rules up like that, Sasuke. This is a spar, not a battle."

"I wonder about that," Sasuke whispered, so only Sai could hear him. He pushed against Sai's kunai, jumping back a few feet and tossing his own to the side, which Sai mimicked. "Back to the original ruleset, then."

Sai's hands came up in a defensive stance, nodding once.

Sai didn't quite know what to think about luck, but there was something miraculous about his intent to stab Sasuke's hand turning into a deflection of a presumed murder attempt.

That, and he wasn't the one Naruto was disappointed in.

Sakura was probably Sai's best friend, right after Naruto. The only reason Naruto surpassed her, though, was probably the romantic feelings Sai believed he held for him, which were absent around Sakura.

Sakura was more reliable, though, when it came to hypothesizing and advising. She understood Sai when Sai didn't understand himself, and she knew exactly how to push him to understand things better, and _do_ things better.

Sai observed his thoughts, and wondered if Sakura was perhaps a bit in love with him.

He looked over to her, where she was holding a dress to herself in front of a mirror, neglecting her original goals when they set out to go shopping.

"Sai, I need some of your brutal honesty."

He straightened up a bit, looking her over with more intent. "You want my opinion on that dress?"

She nodded, twisting herself to cheat out towards him a bit more. "Specifically, how you think this dress would look on me."

"The pink of the fabric clashes with your hair and makes it look dull in comparison. Also, you'd need something around your waist, or you'll look like a taffy strip."

Sakura tilted her head, then nodded. "Thank you. Now tell me I look pretty."

Sai smiled, eyes crinkling in that practiced way, and he chirped, "You look pretty, Sakura-chan."

She threw the dress at him, hitting his chin with the hanger. "You suck."

He huffed something reminiscent of a laugh, folding the dress over his lap. "You're procrastinating."

Sakura bit her lip, crossing her arms. She looked at herself in the mirror again, uncrossing her arms to put her hands on her waist, and standing up straighter. "I'm... really young."

Sai nodded. "Most people would say anywhere between twenty and twenty-five is still a young adult. You've got time."

Sakura's head turned sharply towards him, glaring suspiciously. "Time for _what_?"

Sai shrugged. "Life."

Her glare dropped, along with her hands and shoulders. "I'm worried I'm too young. For-... For Ino. For what she wants."

"Aren't you older than her right now?"

Sakura rolled her eyes, coming over to sit down next to him. She leaned against his shoulder. "I'm too immature, still."

"So is Naruto."

"_Naruto_ isn't trying to have kids."

"... The younger you have kids, the easier it probably is to relate to them."

Sakura laughed lightly. "Yeah, that's probably true."

Sai looked at Sakura through the mirror, watching her melancholy. "Have you spoken to Ino about this?"

"Yeah... She said she's willing to wait, but I know she's been really focused on this since her birthday."

"Because she turned twenty?"

"She thinks her adult life is supposed to officially start now," Sakura explained, reaching over to find comfort by holding Sai's hand. "She thinks her adult life is supposed to start with kids."

"You don't agree."

Sakura scoffed. "By the time we were graduated from the academy, we were considered legal adults. My adulthood started when my team died."

"Died?" Sai asked, turning to face her for real.

"Wave. Don't worry about it. I didn't actually get the memo until the team pretty much disbanded, though. Thanks, Sasuke."

"Thanks, Sasuke," Sai echoed, with much less audible sarcasm. "I don't think I was ever really a child. Or maybe I haven't grown up."

"You weren't really given the chance to," Sakura noted, cupping his hand in both of hers. "I think they just froze you before you could develop, stuffed you full of a bunch of ninja skills, and called it a day."

Sai accepted that theory. "How old would you say I am, then? Since I started my remedial childhood."

Sakura brought his hand up to her mouth in thought. "What's the worst possible age to be? Thirteen. You're thirteen. An awful, indecent, rude little thirteen year old boy."

Sai couldn't hold back his smile, and didn't know why he tried to. "So... You've been an adult for a long time. What makes you think you aren't mature enough to raise another child?"

Sakura returned his smile, eyes crinkling in that devious way everyone in his team seemed to do, and let go of his hand to push at his shoulder, standing from the bench. "Har har. I'm going to assume you _aren't_ being serious. It'd make me feel awfully old to think of myself as your mother-figure, and if I'm really the second coming of Tsunade-shishou, you'll know how I feel about being called anything but youthful and teenager-like."

"My apologies. I'm sure you'll make a wonderful teen mom, Sakura."

"Don't say _that_!"

Sai chuckled at her outrage, stood and followed as she stormed off and out of the clothing store, leaving the dress on the bench. She calmed down as soon as they were out and crossing over to the hardware store they'd intended to visit.

"You didn't answer my question, though."

She sighed, beelining to the paints section. "I don't know. I guess I just... Even though I _know_ I'm not a kid anymore, and that I'm plenty responsible and smart and things like that, I... I still feel like a big, crybaby kid inside. Like, sometimes I just think of something or see something or hear something that has me feeling like I'm playing dress up in my mother's clothes, and doing a fuck-awful job of it, at that. I don't want to have even a single moment where I feel like I'm a kid trying to raise a kid. I'd feel awful."

Sai nodded, because that made sense, he could understand the words she said individually, and to some extent, put together. "May I offer my thirteen year old advice?"

Sakura huffed a laugh, attention still on the paints. "Sure, brat. Share your indecent wisdom."

"I think you're right to want to wait."

Sakura's smile dropped and she looked over at him. She didn't look mad, so he continued.

"You should wait until you want a child just as much as Ino does. Not for any particular reason relating to your worries, but because that's just logical. You shouldn't have a child if you don't want one." If he sounded a bit hard in that last sentence, it wasn't because he was bitter. "If you're struggling to explain how you feel to Ino, just say 'I don't want a child right now.' It's difficult to argue with that, if you don't follow it up with insecurities that imply you need convincing."

Sakura didn't look mad, but she did look a bit constipated in a weird way. Sai wasn't sure if he should be bracing for a punch, so he looked to the paints and waited for her to respond.

She gave him a lot of time, so his thoughts began to wander, and he suddenly had an impulse that was turning into an idea that was turning into a warm smile on his face.

Which fell when Sakura finally pushed her shoulder into his, voice croaky when she said, "Happy birthday, rude boy. You've really grown up, lately."

"Thanks, mom."

Sakura smacked him, then wiped at her eyes, reaching up for a can with her free hand. "Just for that I'm going to make _you_ carry all the paint back home."

And he did. And then he did it again, to his own apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time on: isnt this supposed to be a romance about sai and naruto?
> 
> ino and sai get to have a nice little undercover chat, and then naruto gets possessed so he doesnt ruin a proposal.


	3. And the wedding bells ring, distantly, beautifully

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know its been awhile! ive had this part written forever and honestly its my favorite. i love inosaku........

Ino clung to Sai's arm, one of her hands clinging to his, her thumb running over the ring on his finger. She was better at this than him, but he didn't need to be good to convince passers-by.

"I miss this," she sighed, resting her head on his shoulder as they strolled through the crowds. This village was having some kind of festival, and they'd been encouraged to celebrate with everyone else, since they were on their honeymoon. So, here they were. "We don't go out on dates like we used to."

Sai hummed. "We're usually busy. I'm not the only one with work."

She sighed again, somehow more dramatically. "I know. Hey, I wanted to talk to you about my sister!"

Sai glanced over at her, making a face of discomfort. "What about her?"

"She's finally going to propose to that girlfriend of hers," Ino said through her grin, pulling on him in her excitement. "And since you're friends with her girlfriend... She asked me to get some advice for her."

"... Wasn't Sakura telling me about how they wanted children? How come marriage wasn't the first thing they argued about?"

Ino gasped and smacked his shoulder, hard. "Asshole. Digging up dirty laundry like that... But you have a point. It's funny, actually, that was what really cleared up that particular conflict. Apparently Sakura kindly reminded her that they weren't even married, and kids out of wedlock wouldn't have a stake to our clan. So, Nee-chan dumped all her dirty work on me using big ole crocodile tears. Help me out?"

"Sure..." Sai blinked and pulled Ino to a stop, fixing her with an unusually piercing stare. "Is she taking the clan name?"

Ino blinked, and her face twisted up in anguish. "Oh _no_... That's so sad! Haruno is such a cute name, and it rhymes with Nee-chan's first name... But yeah, duh, she'd have to. Geez, imagine _that_ argument, if it was left up to debate."

Sai's head was... rushing for some reason. The idea of Ino and Sakura together felt inevitable to him, they belonged together the same way...

They belonged together.

But for some reason, something about the idea of them married, of Sakura being a Yamanaka, of the name Haruno disappearing...

He didn't know her family well, he'd been introduced once or twice (twice) and he didn't think Sakura's mother had any siblings with or without children.

"I've made a few jokes," Sai started, letting her lead them forward again, only to be interrupted by Ino, with a stabbing, "I couldn't tell, they weren't funny."

He pulled her to a stop again, this time with a dry look, and she laughed, pulling him along again. "Okay, okay, continue."

_Killing intent, trying to seep through his pores. Failing, miserably._

Ino didn't stiffen, but she pulled her hands away to 'link' behind her back, and smiled cheekily at him.

He smiled, shrugged. "Nevermind."

Ino drew forward, slyly sneaking her hands behind him and down the back of his pants, sliding two palm-length knives with them. He tilted his smile off-kilter, wrapped his hands around her waist, under her kimono, and grabbed at the pouches hidden in the folds of fabric.

"C'mon, Maru-kun... Tell me. I didn't mean to be mean."

He pulled some shuriken up into wrists of his sleeves, careful, cautious, eyes locked on Ino's and not listening to a single word coming out of her or his own mouth. "It's just that... She's the only family I know. I guess there was never any guarantee she'd keep her name, but it feels weird to witness it dissolve."

Ino's cheeky expression melted, and she stared at him, hands lax around the knives in his pants. "S... Sorry. I don't..."

Sai took in a deep breath, relieved to finally have pinpointed their target. "This isn't the time for this. We're on our honeymoon. I'm sorry, Chocho."

She shook her head a little bit, forced a smile. "Yeah... We'll talk about this later, though. Bet."

Sai didn't look forward to that. "Okay."

She pulled herself up, just a bit, just enough to press her lips against his, and speak against them with a smile. "Let's dance."

He couldn't say who disappeared first, though he'd bet Ino's money was on herself, but he was the first on the scene, closest, appearing just behind his target to press a knife against their back, between the last two vertebrae of their spine.

It's not that easy.

They pulled down, squatting with ease and keeping their back straight. Sai tried to push his knife forward, seeing that this wasn't an encounter he could deescalate, but they kicked both of their feet out, falling flat and scraping the length of their back on his knife, just not _deep_ enough.

Sai huffed, reaching forward with his empty hand, splaying his fingers across their chest to keep them down, and brought the knife up, goading them into grabbing his arm with one arm and kicking their legs up to grab a dagger from their pants with the other.

They swung it up, Sai had to let go of their chest, because they wouldn't let go of his wrist, and roll, voluntarily twisting his own arm painfully. They rolled, pulling his arm painfully, and pressed his own hand towards him, knife pointed at himself, and brought their dagger up to strike-

And dissolved into laughter, tossing the blade aside, and sitting back, letting go of Sai.

Sai let out a weary sigh, watched Ino drag their target up to a stand, holding out a hand for him. "This guy was pathetic. But, I guess he didn't bet we were going to send A-rank ninja."

"It is a bit overkill."

"And the Yamanakas aren't all that famous," she said, with a bragging tone. "Anyone who does know us only knows us for our T&I work. They never see us coming on these kinds of missions."

Sai nodded absently, waiting for the ache in his arm to ease. Ino stared down at him, brow furrowing. "You okay? That tumble didn't look too rough."

"They just twisted my arm. I think I might have torn something, but it's not a big deal," he reassured her.

Ino grimaced, and shook her hand. "Well, use the other one. I don't have all the time in the world, we need to tie us up."

So he gave her his other hand, teeth grinding as he stood, and they went to retrieve her soulless body and carry it back to the inn.

"God, what's _wrong_ with people?"

Sai nodded in agreement until he noticed that Sasuke was, too.

"It's so fucking stupid," Sakura agreed out loud, stabbing her knife into the meat they were preparing. She, Naruto, and Sasuke were working together to cook, making some kind of meaty, stewy pasta, while Sai and Ino loitered, nursing bottles of beer. "Boo hoo, the world is trying to change for the better and that makes people _idiots_ and I'll prove their naivety by being a fucking asshole who uses murder to prove a point that- _doesn't_\- need- _proving_!"

"And the fucking _stage_ they chose, right? It was in the middle of a fucking festival _just_ to celebrate the fact that the world is changing, and their village was prospering. _Is_," Ino corrected herself. "Besides all that mess, the festival was really great. No one was worried once they realized who we were- how seriously Konoha took the call for help."

"That's really good," Naruto said, preening. "I'm glad the mission got to my desk, Iruka has really good intuition."

"He's not the only one," Sakura said, smiling over at Sasuke and nudging him teasingly, his pause in cutting vegetables being the only tell that he was paying attention.

"It's good you haven't let all that praise get to your head, yet, dobe," Sasuke said, when it was clear Sakura was holding him conversationally hostage. "Just don't rely on your friends to keep you level and informed."

"Oh, I don't know," Sai piped up. "It'd be out of character if he didn't rely on us to tell him everything he doesn't know."

"Oi,_ shaddup_," Naruto groaned over the laughter. "I'm not that stupid anymore! You guys suck."

Knocks sounded at the door, and Ino jumped, rushing her gulp of beer and quickly setting it on the counter. "I'll get that!"

Sasuke sneered at her. "Who the hell did you invite? This is my fucking apartment, Ino."

"Shut up!" She called, jogging over to the door.

Sai meandered over to Sakura's side, watching her rub the strips of meat with seasoning. Sakura glanced up at him, smiling. "What?"

Sai shook his head and shrugged. "I'm just observing. I'm not good at cooking."

Sakura looked back down at the meat, still smiling. "No mom to teach you, huh. Naruto was the same. He learned fifteen ways to make ramen from old man Teuchi, but even then that wasn't until we were already friends. And he _still_ relied on those foam cups."

"Yeah, yeah," Naruto responded from his station on the other side of the kitchen, stretching noodles. "Sai. What'd you eat, growing up?"

Sai thought about it. "Nothing much. They fed us alright when we weren't deployed; meats and greens. On the road I ate typical rations, and then whatever I could afford whenever I had to go in town. Or whatever I could steal."

"Definitely not much better off," Sakura sighed. "Naruto, didn't you-"

"Naruto used to use a henge of me to buy his groceries, when we were already... friends. Asshole civilians wouldn't let him be, otherwise," Sasuke muttered, sweeping the green onions he'd finished cutting into a bowl with his hands. "I let him. Wouldn't help much to nag him to eat better, and then admonish him when he followed direction."

Naruto swept by him, grabbing the bowl that Sasuke was glaring at, and leaned forward to kiss the side of his head, making Sasuke blink owlishly into the space in front of him, and moved over to the stove to toss them into the pot. Sai didn't shift uncomfortably. Sai didn't wonder how it felt.

Naruto looked over at Sai, grinning. "Plus, even Sasuke had to admit it was a good as fuck henge. Especially for the dead last."

"It only proved that Sakura and Ino weren't the only idiots hopelessly obsessed with me. Only they grew out of it," Sasuke bit out, only to get jabbed in the gut by Sakura's elbow.

On that note, Ino bustled back in, Choji on her heels and Shikamaru grousing under his breath, the both of them carrying boxes of food from the barbeque place the InoShikaCho squad could be found at most days of the week after the workday ran its natural course.

"What took you so long?" Sasuke asked, apparently picking up on the suspicious behavior. "Doesn't take that long to answer a door."

"Nothing, nothing! I told them to bring food from _somewhere else_," she stressed, glaring at the both of them, "to compensate for the fact that you guys didn't know they were coming. But here we are."

"Not like it matters," Shikamaru muttered, putting the boxes on a free bit of counter after Choji. "You guys have food for you, we have food for us and then some. What's the big deal?"

Ino grabbed his wrist, rolled up his sleeve, and pinched the flesh of his inner wrist, making him grimace and pull away harshly, glaring at her with a wrinkled nose. She widened her eyes at him threateningly and he exhaled harshly, looking away. "Bitch."

Sakura snorted a short laugh and cleared her throat. "Naruto, are you done with the noodles?"

"You bet."

"Okay, everyone shoo! The kitchen is too crowded now, get to the table," Sakura said, pushing Ino away and waving them all out. "Except you, Choji, I need your expertise. Food should be ready soon."

Everyone followed orders, and sat themselves around the table, Ino next to Shika next to Naruto next to Sasuke next to Sai, a space between them for Choji, and a space between Ino and Sai for Sakura.

Ino cleared her throat and leaned forward, looking at Naruto directly. "Hokage-sama, I have an impromptu mission to bring to your attention."

Shikamaru sighed but Naruto perked up, grinning mischievously and leaning towards her across Shikamaru. "What is it?"

"Unfortunately, for complete discretion, I need to take over your body to tell you. Because it's super top secret." Shikamaru snorted and Ino jammed her knuckles into his thigh.

Naruto's face scrunched up in confusion and Sai found a smile threatening to take over his lips at the ploy Naruto was helpless to defend against.

"Sasuke, does that make sense?" Or not. With backup, Naruto was invincible to manipulation, and everyone knew it. Including Naruto. Why develop intuition when you could just rely on your friends' guts?

Ino was quick to act though, throwing herself forward over the table to grab at Sasuke's shoulders. "You're not going to ruin this for me."

Sasuke fixed her with a dry look, bringing his arms up to half-heartedly push at her arms with his wrists. "And why not?"

"Because you love Sakura and if you ruin her impromptu dinner party, she'll never forgive you."

Sasuke stared her in the eye for far too long, and gave in by looking away, down at his hand, which he opened and closed. "Alright."

Naruto sat back, still looking at Ino with confusion all over his face. "What's going on?"

Ino's head drooped and she sighed. "Shikamaru."

"Already on it," Shikamaru murmured, right as Naruto tensed and moved into the same position Shikamaru was in.

Naruto looked over at Shikamaru from the corner of his eye, looking a bit too worried for comfort. He didn't question anything though, which was either because of Shikamaru's clenched jaw, or his own perceived futility of the effort. Probably the former.

Ino slid back into her seat and pulled her hands up in the familiar jutsu. "I'm doing this because I love Sakura."

And then she slumped, and two seconds later Naruto's eyes closed.

And then Shikamaru must have let go, because Naruto's body stood up and yawned. Ino covered his mouth, squinting at nothing in general. "Oh my god, he's so _tired_. Sai, you really need to take better care of him."

"I wouldn't know how," he responded.

"Of course you wouldn't," Sasuke whispered.

"Care to give me some advice, then?" Sai asked him, eyebrows raised expectantly.

Sasuke huffed and stood. "Come on, then, Ino. I'll explain this to him in the bathroom, and make sure he doesn't ruin anything."

Ino laughed low in Naruto's throat, mockingly, which was not the direct cause of Sai's temperature spike. "No way. That's what Shikamaru is here for. Naruto hardly ever blows up when Shikamaru's the one dealing with him."

Shikamaru stood up, sighing even more. "That's not very true."

"Hardly ever relative to Naruto's volatile relationships with literally anyone else."

"...Alright."

Sasuke watched them shuffled out and over to the bathroom, then slowly sat down, staring at the table with pursed lips.

Sai reached over to Ino to help put her in a more comfortable position- leaned onto the table with her head on her arms. He mostly just wanted something to keep him from escalating the situation and aggravating Sasuke further. He didn't want to be the one to ruin Ino's plans for engagement.

"So you already knew."

Sai froze, mid pulling away from Ino, then continued the motion, shifting to make himself comfortable in his seat before making eye contact with Sasuke and responding. "I did."

Sasuke's fingernails dug into the table and Sai did not feel discomfort wiggling through the nerves in his ears and between his ribs. "You and Ino are pretty close."

"She's my best friend's girlfriend," Sai said, as though that would entirely explain his closeness to Ino.

"I thought Naruto was your _best friend_," Sasuke sneered, yet not as harshly as he had the power to.

"He is," Sai started, pausing to think over his answer. "I just figured it was different, since I feel a romantic attraction to him that I don't for Sakura. He's not just my best friend. And, honestly, as far as emotional support and growth goes, Sakura has always been the most help to me. Naruto is someone I relate to, Sakura is someone I look up to."

Sasuke's sneer had melted away somewhere during his explanation, and his eyes seemed to look deeper into Sai than they had before. It made Sai uncomfortable, but the sheer malice that had frozen him with fear the first time they met was absent. In its place was... something that Sai, emotionally stunted as he was, couldn't identify.

(It was a forlorn kind of thoughtfulness.)

Sasuke unfolded his arms and looked away, over where Ino and Shikamaru had gone.

They sat in silence for awhile, but it wasn't as tense as it usually was. Sai found it easy to breathe and felt like Sasuke had some to some kind of understanding about him that made him less generally angry at his existence, and that felt... Weird, in a positive way.

Ino's body roused and groaned and Sai looked over to her, expectant. "He's so annoying."

"Yeah," Sai and Sasuke agreed easily, looking at each other when they realized they spoke at the same time, before looking back to Ino. Sai continued, alone. "Are you going to do it tonight?"

Ino bit her lip and nodded. "I've got the ring... in a seal... Over my heart... That doubles as a tattoo! Which is another gesture of my love for her! Aren't I so fucking romantic??"

Sai leaned forward, eyes drawn to her chest. "Can I see it?"

Ino brought an arm up over her chest and reached forward with her palm to push his face up and away. "No! Idiot. If I didn't know you better I'd call you a pervert."

"I guess you don't know him," Sasuke commented drily.

"I'm just curious about the seal. Is it stylized? Is it entirely practical? Is it only capable of holding the ring? Are you guaranteeing yourself an obsolete and permanent gesture of love to be stuck to your chest forever even as you age and your skin and fat surely sag and wrinkle?"

Ino stared at Sai for an uncomfortably long series of moments. She broke the staredown by turning to Sasuke and asking, "Do you have your sword on hand?"

Sasuke smirked, hands flexing on the table. "Always."

Right as she was about to undoubtedly request it (to skewer Sai with), Shikamaru and Naruto strolled back in, both of them looking flushed and rustled. Shikamaru was smiling in that kind of embarrassed, begrudging way he usually did and Naruto was grinning wobbily, like he was trying to contain himself or perhaps about to cry. When they passed Ino on their way to their seats, Naruto lunged for her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and kissing her head. "I'm so happy for you."

Ino's expression melted into one of pure joy and her grin rivaled Naruto's for unsteadiness. "Thank you. Now, go sit the fuck down, and don't act suspicious!"

Naruto laughed and pulled away, stepping over to his seat and shooting a happy grin at Sasuke who couldn't help but smile back. When the grin turned to Sai, Sai fumbled the interaction and ducked his head, feeling his head rushing and wondering if he'd have to miss his best friend's proposal due to sudden illness.

The door to the kitchen opened, and Choji and Sakura came out carrying plates. "Food is ready!"

It took two trips, but once everyone was served, Sakura sat down next to Ino and Sai and smiled all around the table. "This is so nice. It almost feels like a family dinner."

"Who says it isn't one?" Naruto countered, through a mouth full of food.

"Is it the full family with every one of the Konoha 11?" Choji asked. "Er, 13 now, of course."

"Of course," Sasuke agreed facetiously. "Why don't we just call them all up, then, hm? Invite even more people to _my _apartment."

"Oh hush," Ino said, waving her hand at him. "I love the other guys, but there's something about your genin teams, you know? The people you experience your first traumas with-"

Ino's chair shook and she gasped mid-laugh, shooting a look at Sakura who was glaring at her. The shock on Ino's face melted into embarrassment and she shared apologetic glances at Sasuke, Naruto, and Sai. "Er... Sorry. You know... I guess it really is just a unique thing for both of our teams, huh? Like, Shikamaru and Choji and I were literally raised to get along and work together like family, and you guys have been through so much more than any of the other teams could say."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Nice damage control, piggy."

"I can understand where you're coming from," Naruto said, having not taken any offense at her lack of thought. "Honestly, I really love all of you guys the same as I do the other teams, but that's cause I've been through more things with them than you might have. I did a lot of piggybacking on what should have been team-only missions, haha."

Ino was quiet for a bit, still embarrassed at her flub. She picked at her food and Sai looked up at Shikamaru, and then Choji.

Choji smiled at him, eyes closing the same way Sai's fake smiles tended to, but with all of the honesty Sai's lacked. "Have you been working on any art projects, Sai? If not, I've been interested in commissioning you, but I don't know if the project I have in mind is in your style."

Sai contained his surprise (surprise at his embarrassment) to answer vaguely, "I am working on a personal project, but I'd be happy to take a break to help you."

"Oh, what?" Sakura gasped. "What are you working on? And how come I didn't know?"

"It's just a personal project," Sai murmured, trying to downplay it. "I don't show you every doodle in my notebooks."

Sakura looped an arm around him and pulled him towards her, careless of his obvious discomfort. "But you're my sweet little terrible fourteen year old boy, remember? Plus, I don't think you realize how suspicious your emphasis on the term 'personal project' was."

Sai pulled away, looking down at his almost-finished food and not at _all_ pouting. "If you must know, I'm painting my apartment. That's all."

Shikamaru squinted. "And that counts as a personal art project?"

Sai refused to respond, as suspicious as he knew it would be.

Ino stood up, pressing a quick kiss to Sakura's head. "_I_ know what'll loosen those lips. I'll be back."

And she went back into Sasuke's kitchen. Sakura looked over to Sasuke expectantly, waiting for him to complain about Ino's mooching. Sasuke caught her glance and rolled his eyes. "She's already imposed on me. What's the point in fighting it?"

"I can't say that's like you, but I appreciate you biting your tongue," Sakura said, smiling at him.

Naruto fidgeted in his seat, and at the glance of Choji, stuffed his mouth full of noodles to silence himself.

Sakura didn't seem to notice.

Ino walked back in, hand to her bulky blouse, and two bottles held by the necks between the fingers of her free hand. "This is the new tactic in T&I, y'know."

Shikamaru stood to help her take the cups out of her blouse, setting them around the table and taking one of the bottles to help her serve the drinks.

Sai stared disdainfully at his cup, not a particularly notorious drinker to begin with, and not eager to explain his project.

Choji leaned into him, whispering, "I'm sorry, man, I didn't mean to get everyone to gang up on you like that. If you want, I can steer the conversation towards politics."

Well, that wouldn't be very enjoyable either, but it would be basically the only topic that would save Sai from this embarrassment besides Ino's proposal. "It's fine, I'll think of something."

Choji nodded decisively. "Whatever you say, I'll back you up."

"Okay!" Ino lifted her glass and smiled at everyone. "First drink of the night-"

"We were just drinking beer in the kitchen," Sakura corrected her, lifting her own glass up to her chin.

"First _real_ drink of the night then," Ino acquiesced, "So let's all chug it at the same time!"

"Actually Ino, I think we'd all like to just watch _you_ chug it," Shikamaru told her with a Nara-level shit eating grin. "And then, maybe, give a toast."

Ino's grin sharpened as she glared at him, hand tightening around her cup. "You're funny, Shikamaru."

"That sounds like a fun idea!" Choji cheered. "Let's turn this into a drinking game, though. We go around making toasts and taking shots after each one."

Ino looked manic at the thought, and sat down quickly. "Fine, but I'm not going first."

"Why not?" Naruto asked. "You seemed ready for it."

"I was ready to _drink_, not _toast_," Ino corrected icily. "You're all a bunch of drunks."

"This was your idea," Sai reminded her idly.

"Shut up."

"No, I'm starting," Sai said, standing up. "We'll go around so Sakura is last."

"Toast about your personal project!"

"No."

"Pbbt."

Sai took a breath and thought for a moment, then looked up, at the wall across from him. "It's a mural."

The group stayed silent, watching and listening. He steeled his shoulders. "I'm painting a mural in my apartment. It's supposed to signify everyone here, or... Well, the Konoha 12. Because I'm... I feel like a part of Konoha, finally, and that... means something to me that I don't know how to express any other way."

"Sai..." Sakura grabbed at his free wrist, smiling up at him warmly. "That's very sweet. And I'm really happy you've managed to form bonds here."

Sai nodded, smiling back at her. "And you're a huge forehead to thank for that."

Sakura twisted his arm and he gasped, looking away to Naruto. "And so are you, Naruto."

Naruto snorted. "I don't have as big a forehead as Sakura."

"Oh _yeah_?!" Sakura yelled, pushing Sai away to point at Naruto demandingly. "Lift your bangs, asshole! Anyone's forehead can look small if you've got bangs, I would know!"

While they continued to bicker, Sai gestured to Ino with his cup. "You too, Ino."

Ino bit her lip to keep from smiling, still clinging to her dislike of this turn of events.

Naruto and Sakura were leaning over the table at each other, lifting their bangs to compare foreheads, when Choji stood and cleared his throat. "My turn! Sit down, kids, and drink for Sai's toast."

They did, still glaring at each other, one more obviously playfully than the other.

Choji smiled at everyone individually. "I'm not very close to anyone here besides Shikamaru and Ino! Naruto, you and I get along just fine, but all of team seven has an issue that never gets addressed. You all hold back when it comes to making friends and trusting people who have your back. So, I'm here to tell you, even though we don't spend that much time together or talk about things that matter, I love you all and would support you through pretty much anything. And yes, that includes you, Sasuke. You guys are Ino's family, and that means you're my extended family. It's kinda like clan. I'm not close to everyone in my clan, but I'd kill for every one of them. Keep that in mind, friends."

And he sat down.

"Jeez, Choji, you can get real intense," Shikamaru drawled, taking a drink. "I think they know they can rely on us to kill for them, though."

Choji blinked then grinned. "Ah, yeah, that is pretty easy, huh? Guys, I'm saying I'd do anything for you."

Sasuke stood, sighing. "I appreciate the thought. Uh, my toast is. That you guys aren't as annoying as you used to be, and that's really... great."

"Drink!" Ino cheered, chugging her cup and already reaching for the bottle again.

"It's that easy?" Naruto asked after drinking, then stood. "I'm fine then. I really love you guys and I appreciate that none of you are mad at me for becoming hokage, even when I know a few of you guys are way more suitable for it! The fact that you all help me out even when I don't know when to ask is really cool, and... yeah! Drink!!!"

"Nobody else _wanted_ to be hokage," Sakura said, then cringed. "Well, except Sasuke that one time, I guess. But that was never gonna happen."

"Thanks."

"I love you, Sasuke."

Shikamaru stood. "The world is changing and I think everyone is terrified. They know how to respond to violence, but not corruption. They think a problem is solved when the root of it is assassinated, but that just isn't the case. A lesson isn't learned in that scenario. But you're all brave for trying to learn it so that you can teach it. And I know it can be draining and harrowing. But you're doing great."

And everyone drank.

Ino stood up slowly, pushing her cup to Shikamaru so he could fill it. She turned to Sakura, taking in a deep breath, and looked away immediately, ducking her head. "Um... We talked awhile ago, Sakura, about... our future. And what we want from it. And I know that all you really need is me and your work and for the world to help you help it. And that's so admirable and noble, I think I got a little mad realizing that despite everything I've changed about myself and my attitude, in our rivalry, you're always going to come out ahead. That doesn't mean I won't stop trying, but that does mean that I know, for as long as we're both alive, you'll always, always be an inspiration to me, the source of my growth and my happiness."

Sakura bit her lips in, a hand coming up to soothe her flushed cheeks. "Ino..."

Ino took another breath. "Um... I'm really stupid. I think sometimes that you decided to fall for me because I'm just another Naruto- blonde, blue-eyed, and runner-up for Most Unpredictable Ninja. But I know that's silly and coincidental, and if anything, you asked him out because you weren't ready to admit that you were already totally in love with me."

"That sounds accurate," Sakura agreed willingly, laughing a bit.

"That said, you're a genius when it comes to dealing with me and my hare-brained schemes. I can't take credit for anything we've accomplished at all, because even though I'm head of Intelligence, I know you planted every single seed of every single plan that came out of my big pig head. So, even though I know it won't come as a surprise to you," Ino grabbed Sakura's hand from her cheek and pulled her up, leading the hand inside the blouse to her seal, which released a small amount of smoke. Sakura gasped and when her hand pulled back, she was holding a ring. Ino cradled her hand in both of her own. "Well? Will ya marry me, forehead?"

Sakura shook her head, jaw slack and eyes filling with tears. "I... I don't know what the fuck you mean, Ino, everything you've ever come up with is so... unfathomable to me. You're the most creative, romantic, thoughtful woman I know, and you're the only one that can match me stride for stride when my brain starts following tracks they weren't scheduled to go on. God, I love you so much, of _course_, of course I'll marry you!"

Ino grinned and pulled her in, grasping at Sakura's face and kissing her senseless. Sakura's arms snaked up to wrap around Ino's neck, making Ino's hands relocate to her waist, and she pulled herself up against her, as though trying to literally one-up Ino in their kiss.

Naruto stood, grin wide and eyes watery, raising his drink sky-high. "Drink!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully i can get my mojo for writing this back!!!!! i love this fic a lot but i havent written anything new for it in months and ive been enjoying being ahead of uploads
> 
> anyway! happy holidays if you celebrate them!! <3


	4. Too many threads, and not a single sweater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been a hot minute, huh? this fic is absolutely just a bunch of bullshit tied together at this point but im still in love with it even if i abandoned it for SEVERAL months. i'll figure out how to end it eventually. i want it to actually end, unlike every other project in my life LOL. call it a resolution idk

"Hey!"

Sai blinked at Naruto, surprised to see him standing outside of his apartment's door. Firstly, no one ever knocked on his door. Anyone he cared about was a ninja, and they tended to enter through the window.

Naruto was lucky Sai bothered to answer the door at all.

Secondly, Naruto was in civilian clothes and wearing his arm- bare in its full alabaster glory, which was something he never did off-duty, and certainly never uncovered.

Sai stepped aside and waved him in, overcome with a sense of urgency. However, Naruto lifted his white hand, waving in dissent.

"Sorry, I didn't come to visit, really. Kiba and I were going to go out of village for a... thing, and I wanted to ask you a favor," Naruto explained, talking too fast to be anything but nervous.

Sai stepped forward, lowering his voice. He could feel his face twisting into something uncomfortable, and he wanted to question Naruto's secrecy and Kiba's judgement. But all that came out was, "You can count on me."

"How come you didn't tell me you're interested in Naruto?" Sakura asked from her perch on Sai's newly-purchased couch.

His entire apartment had gone through some redecorating to become more homey, with help from Sakura and her parents. They'd all taken surprisingly well to Sai's request. He didn't expect anything past the paper signing, but they'd all invited themselves over for dinner and made some plans around him to 'make up for all the years they'd missed', including taking responsibility for his comfort and helping him buy a bunch of new furniture.

They were respectful of his mural, though, so he couldn't complain.

"I had to hear it from Sasuke, of all people," Sakura continued, bringing Sai back to the present.

Sai snorted, preoccupying his hands by mixing paint. "Was he complaining?"

"No, actually," Sakura said, sounding surprised and surprising Sai, who had to pause in his mixing to look at her. "He was asking me if he should give up his own chase. For the record, that was the first I heard of him being in love with Naruto, too."

"I'm not in love with Naruto," seemed to come out of Sai automatically, before he could finish processing what she told him.

"Oh, no, yeah. I didn't mean to imply that. I know it's too soon for that, you haven't known him quite so long, or yourself," she said quickly, drawing her arms around her knees. "But Sasuke is, and that makes... three? Three people in love with Naruto, and then you."

"Three?"

Sakura nodded, her chin bunching every duck of her head. "Sasuke, Hinata, Gaara, and you. And the idiot wouldn't believe it no matter what they tell him or do for him."

"The Kazekage confessed to Naruto?" It wasn't a surprise that he was in love with him, but then, Sai wouldn't be surprised no matter who claimed to have fallen victim to Naruto's ingenuity. "I didn't think he knew how he felt."

Sakura balked at him. "_You_ did? I'm surprised you're not surprised. Even Gaara doesn't realize how deep he is, we just know because of how he talks about Naruto."

"It's not just that," Sai said. "Everyone gets a sort of look on their face when they talk about Naruto, but the Kazekage gravitates towards him. The rest of you can enjoy his company and still grow tired of his energy and rambunctious nature. The Kazekage seems to have a font of patience, if not outright adoration, for everything Naruto says and does.”

“I see,” Sakura said, in a way that genuinely made him believe she saw something. “And how do you feel? About his energy.”

Sai thought about it. “I don’t know. I feel like I’ve run out of patience often, but I could still sit by him for as long as I had to. I wouldn’t be the first to leave, even if my ears were grating, if I had any other choice. I’m not compelled to be less petty or to change myself just so he likes me better, but I find that I’m more mindful of him now. And I like him. I can smile just thinking about him, and sometimes I realize I just want to touch him, just to feel him. Nothing raunchy, just. I don’t know. Poke his earlobe, or something.”

Sakura watched him closely while he spoke, eyes soft and smile tiny. “That sounds like a lot.”

Sai shrugged. “It doesn’t feel like a lot, usually. I’m not jealous of anyone who gets to be close to him, and I know I wouldn’t mind it if he was in love with anyone else. At this point, I just want him to take me seriously.”

Sakura was silent, then, for a long time, and Sai just continued to work, painting his mural. It was starting to take shape, but it wasn’t really coming out the way he intended it. His sketches had been a bit more like a skeleton, a vague idea to follow, and usually he didn’t need any more than that. This, such a mindful and alien piece based on alien feelings, clearly required more time and thought.

“If you don’t mind him letting you down, I can get him to let you take him on a date. A real date,” she emphasized, “I won’t let him think it’s anything else. But I can’t make him fall in love with you.”

“I wouldn’t expect it.”

A sad smile. “Neither would he.”

"Sai, are you bored?"

Sai's head lifted and turned, but it took his mind a bit longer to catch up, leaving him asking a breathy, "Huh?"

Kakashi's eye crinkled and he huffed an amused breath. "This is good. Less war, less violence, less fear. Your mind is straying from the mission."

Sai rolled his eyes and went back to staring at his fingers, thinking about his project back home. "I'm overqualified for this mission."

"And we're understaffed," Kakashi retorted. "You're not _against_ the alliances?"

"Of course not," Sai said, like it was unthinkable.

"But you're bored."

"I'm overqualified for this. My full attention isn't required to see this mission through."

Kakashi chuckled. "And that's good. It's good seeing you so scatterbrained."

Sai looked up and glared at him. "I'm not scatterbrained."

"No, you're right, that's not the right word. Just distracted."

"I don't understand what kind of confrontation this is supposed to be."

Kakashi shrugged. "I'm just noticing what peace has done for you. You're a lot more thoughtful, in the most literal sense."

"You know you aren't actually someone I've ever considered my mentor, right? I was on a mission when I joined your squad. This," Sai gestured between them, "isn't a dynamic we've established."

Kakashi tilted his head. "Didn't we?"

"We didn't."

"Huh. Must have forgotten to. I was a little busy when we met. One of my kids was going through a very intense furry phase, and another was trying to outdo everyone’s emo."

Sai's face scrunched up and he looked away, trying to wish away the interaction.

"Sasuke talked to me, for once. Well, he's actually been better about it since he came back. Talking about his feelings, his anger, and asking for a sponsor. I've been encouraging him and his pursual of Naruto, knowing the two of them rather well and seeing myself in Sasuke. My relationship with Gai is much the same as theirs, and I thought that meant I knew what would be the best outcome for them. I conveniently forgot that treating Sasuke the way I would treat myself did not work out well any time that I attempted it. He is not me and Naruto is not anyone but himself. Naruto is not Sasuke's mentor, he isn't Sasuke's brother-figure, and he isn't Sasuke's lover."

Sai sighed, shoulders drooping. "Are you trying to tell me something? Forgive me, or don't, but I don't really think your expertise lies in human interaction. And whatever romantic tribulations Naruto's fans seem to be going through are both out of your depth and none of your business."

Kakashi hummed. "Alright, I'll step off. I was just going to tell you how to get Naruto to take you seriously, since I've given up trying to lead a horse to water."

Sai stilled. "You wouldn't know how. You're bluffing to get me to listen to you ramble."

Kakashi smiled. "You got me there."

Sai rolled his eyes again.

"I do find it interesting how similar you and Sasuke can be when your buttons are pressed. Perhaps there is water to that Uchiha rumor."

Sai grimaced at the thought of being related to Sasuke. "You aren't nearly as funny as you seem to think you are. Sasuke and I hold as many similarities as any two randomly picked humans could share. You and all the other theorists are projecting."

"You don't think it could even be possible? If it's the relation to Sasuke that disturbs you, I can assure you that the Uchiha were quite varied in personality and temperament. My childhood friend was a lot like Naruto, before he fell for the cheapest scam in the book."

"I'm a Haruno."

Kakashi froze.

Sai let him stew, moving away from him to stand at the door they were waiting outside of, arms folded.

"What?"

Sai looked at him. "I'm a Haruno now. Sakura's parents agreed to adopt me legally so that I could share the family name and, maybe, carry it on. Even if it dies anyway, it comforts me to die with it."

Kakashi watched him for a few moments, then minutes, then sighed. "Wow, you kids really are something. I nearly thought Naruto was out here legalizing polygamy and marrying you _and_ Ino to our dear taijutsu savvy doctor."

Sai didn’t justify that thought with a response.

“That’s really… That’s good though. I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about my… family name. I forgot it was something people did. That’s another glaring example of how Sasuke and I have nothing in common, I guess,” Kakashi rambled. “I’m sure Naruto also has a lot of complicated feelings about his family name. Maybe that’s why he and Sasuke don’t seem like they’re meant to work out.”

Sai didn’t have a clue what he meant by that, but he also had no respect for Kakashi’s opinions on everyone’s relationships. There was something, there, though, to be said about Naruto’s ideas around family. It was a subject he and Naruto had around the same amount of experience with, but completely different ideas about.

“So, Sakura has a brother now?”

Sai hesitated, then nodded. “Legally, yes.”

“So, you have a sister, now.”

Sai rolled his eyes and started to walk away. “I quit. Let the hokage know I’m turning on the Leaf.”

Kakashi only laughed.

Sai stood back, arms folded over each other across his chest, while Choji looked over his sketches, glancing between them and the dojo wall.

"I'm so torn," he sighed, rubbing at his head with his palm. "All of your ideas are really cool, Sai."

"Thank you."

Choji shoved all of the sketches back into the folder, smiling over at Sai. "I'll look these over and get back to you later, once I get a chance to talk things over with the rest of the clan."

"Alright."

Choji folded his hands and walked over to and past Sai, nudging him gently with his shoulder. "Come on, you've earned some free dinner. Let's go eat."

Sai paused. "I appreciate the offer, but I do have some things I'd like to get to before the day is done."

Choji looked over at him, still smiling. "Oh? Can't they wait?"

They could, technically, but Sai didn't want to let them. However, Choji's expectant smile was a bit unsettling in a way Sai couldn't explain, so he bit back a sigh and let his shoulders slump. "Alright. Let's go eat."

Choji led him, not to a restaurant, but to his own home, inviting him into his kitchen and moving around to prepare what seemed like far too much food for two people alone.

"I really appreciate you coming out here, Sai," Choji told him, focused entirely on preparing their meal. "But I have to admit, I wasn't actually telling the truth when I said I needed you to come over so I could see the sketches in person. Like, we've all got emails, that would have been just fine."

Sai didn't have an email but he didn't argue the point. "Then, I suppose you wanted to talk about something."

"Real keen, huh?" Choji joked. Once the small kitchen table was set and the oven was toiling away, Choji sat down and folded his hands on the table. "Please, sit."

Sai did.

"You know how Ino and Sakura are currently engaged."

"Yes."

Choji nodded, and delved into his explanation. "Ino and Sakura are loathe to admit it, because it would take time away from a lot of our work, and resources that could be used elsewhere, but the both of them want a big spankin' wedding ceremony. I'm sure they're ready to wait to get married until they're able to set aside some time and money to at least satisfy a fraction of their dreams, but I'd like to help them go bigger."

Sai raised a brow. "What, are you planning on throwing them a surprise wedding?"

Choji grinned, dimples in his round, swirled cheeks coming through. "Exactly."

Sai didn’t think that was how weddings worked. “Okay.”

“I know it’s a bit weird, and I don’t mean to hijack their schedule, but I want to at least set up a venue. I already contracted Yamato to help me with the custom architecture, but I’d like your help painting it.”

“That was the actual project you had in mind,” Sai realized.

“Yes. The dojo is still a real project, but it’s just your cover, should Ino ask why you’re spending so much time over here.” Choji bent down to grab a giant wok and placed it on the industrial stove. “There are a lot of moving pieces involved, to make everything work, but this plan is going to span over several months at the least, so there isn’t any pressing deadline. Even if we finish preparation of the venue, I’m going to wait until Ino and Sakura actually start wedding planning before I put the final touches on and launch the thing into action.”

“Who all are in on it?” Sai asked. “I assume Shikamaru is aware.”

“Of course,” Choji confirmed. “Every Akimichi, Nara, and Yamanaka besides Ino, is aware of the preparations. Hinata has been helping me by going under cover for girl talk with the lovebirds, and Iruka has been made aware so that he can help me carve out time for the wedding when the time comes. I’d like you to help me inform your parents, as well.”

Sai’s brain lagged for a moment, before he realized that Choji meant _Sakura’s_ parents. “Oh.”

“Will that be too uncomfortable for you? I can visit myself, I’ve had dinner with them before.”

“No, I can talk to them,” Sai said. The idea of talking to them without Sakura, though, was immeasurably awkward, and he could feel his organs failing. “There’s no deadline?”

“Nope! You take your time, Sai,” Choji said with a smile. “Let’s just eat, now.”

Sai stood outside of Sasuke’s home. He had two of them, in reality, and this was the one he inhabited when it was better to let his grief swallow him for awhile rather than pretend everything was fixed.

Naruto had made it clear that he didn’t anyone else would be able to help the situation. Well, he also didn’t think that Sai could help the situation, but he at least trusted Sai to be as useful as a nanny cam.

Sai hated himself for his attraction to Naruto, at this moment, because he would rather be doing any other kind of dangerous stunts than be standing on Sasuke’s property.

As it was, he’d been standing here for awhile, long enough for the sun to have gone down behind houses of the rebuilt complex. He knew Sasuke was inside, and he knew Naruto expected him to keep an eye on the man in a literal sense, but he was trapped in an internal debate with himself, wondering if he could just stand here all night, until the anniversary was passed and his promise was fulfilled.

He felt Sasuke approach, and tensed, unsure if he should be readying himself for an attack.

The chakra stopped at the door and he heard Sasuke raise his voice past it. “If I open the door, are we going to fight? Because I honestly think I’m too drunk.”

“I don’t know,” responded Sai. “Are we?”

“Fuck off,” came the reply. “Did Naruto send you?”

“Yes.”

“Idiot.”

Sai wasn’t sure if Sasuke meant him or Naruto.

The door opened. Sasuke looked exhausted. He was bundled up in Uchiha robes, and there was a kunai tucked in his belt. He pulled his hand away from the door to point at the kunai. Sai realized that Sasuke didn’t have his prosthetic equipped, which was bizarre. Unlike Naruto, Sasuke was never seen without it, to the point that Sai was now staring in fascination at how the empty layered sleeves of his robes draped against his side. Sasuke spoke, drawing his attention back up to his face, “One wrong move and I kill you.”

Sai raised an eyebrow. “I thought you were too drunk to fight.”

“Too drunk to hold back,” Sasuke corrected. He turned and waved his arm, signaling for Sai to follow.

Sai took a steadying breath. And he did.

He closed the door behind him, not bothering to lock it, knowing that he and Sasuke were capable of confronting any threats.

Sasuke laid down in the kitchen, on the tiled floor, and pulled a bottle that was on the floor into his grasp. “This is empty. I waited until I was done drinking to let you in, in case Naruto said anything about making me stop.”

“He didn’t,” Sai informed him. “He only asked me to keep an eye on you.”

“What a loser,” Sasuke muttered.

Sai leaned against the doorframe to the kitchen, just staring at Sasuke. This was, admittedly, a good thing. This way, he could give a better report to Naruto about Sasuke’s actions. ‘Your terrorist friend got drunk and slept on the kitchen floor for twelve hours’ was a better report than ‘I can’t be sure what happened in that house, but he never died.’

“Isn’t it kind of ironic?”

Sai tilted his head. “What?”

Sasuke rolled over to look at him. “Naruto is obsessed with me. I’m obsessed with him. We’re never going to be together.”

Sai didn’t know what to say to that.

“In the first place, I need to rebuild my clan. I know he hasn’t thought about his, on purpose, but he should work on that, too.”

Right, the Uzumaki clan. A traumatic genocide Naruto never had to witness, unlike Sasuke.

“Of course, that means Hinata is off the table, because she has a duty to her own clan. And Gaara was never an option, unless we want to ruin the alliances.” Sasuke let the bottle go and waved his arm at Sai. “So, that leaves you. Unless you’re dumb enough to value the Haruno name over the Uzumaki clan, and forfeit your victory.”

Sai sighed. “That isn’t how it works.”

“Of course it is. Even if Naruto never gets it through his thick skull that the whole fucking world is in love with him, someday he’s going to realize he needs to start a family, and you’re his only viable option. Besides Lee, I guess. But personally, I prefer you.”

“I did hear that Lee destroyed you when you were younger, and that you never got over it,” Sai recalled.

“Fuck off. Fuck you. Shut up.”

Sai took a deep breath and braved his chances. He came to sit down next to Sasuke, who had diverted his attention holding up the bottle to the light, watching it dance through the glass.

“I don’t love Naruto.”

Sasuke snorted. “Right. And I don’t love him, either.”

“I’m serious,” Sai insisted. “I’m not even sure I’m capable of it. I might not be. But he makes me want to find out.”

Sasuke dropped his arm and stared at him.

Sai puffed out his cheeks with a held breath and laid down next to him. “I know you can probably relate, in a different way. But I’ve never experienced hate to the extent that you have, either. I think I hated Danzo, but I can’t even be sure.”

“That’s fucked up.”

“I know.”

Sasuke turned to him again, dark eyes searching dark eyes. “Do you just act the way you think you’re supposed to? Danzo objectively was a bad man, who did bad things to you, so you logically act as though you hate him because you think you should. Naruto is a good man, who’s done amazing things for you, so you… logically fall in love with him, because you think you should?”

Sai shrugged. “I don’t think it’s the same. I feel obligated to hate Danzo. I don’t feel obligated to love Naruto.”

Sasuke blinked at him, brows high. “Damn.”

“What?”

“I was hoping your feelings were fabricated,” Sasuke admitted, turning away to stare at the ceiling. “They aren’t, by the way. That’s how it goes. You realize it’s more inconvenient to be in love, than it is to let it go, but your heart won’t let you. It defies logic, and reality. You love him, and you hate that you love him, because life would be so much easier if you didn’t. Although, the hate part might just be me. Like you said.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m inconvenienced by my attraction to Naruto,” Sai argued. “I don’t mind that you’re in love with him. I don’t mind that Gaara or Hinata are in love with him. I don’t mind the idea that he doesn’t love me. I just want him to take me seriously, whether or not he returns my feelings.”

“But he never will,” said Sasuke. “And isn’t that frustrating? That you can make it so obvious how much you adore him, and he’ll never believe you? Or he’ll think it’s a joke? Or he’ll think it’s pity?”

Sai paused. “Sure. But he convinced you, didn’t he?”

Sasuke went silent.

Sai sat up and pushed himself to his feet. “I need to use the restroom.”

“Door next to the bedroom.”

“Thanks.”

Sai didn’t need to use the toilet. What he needed to do, really, was rinse his face of the projection Sasuke subjected him to. He looked at his reflection in the mirror above the sink. It wasn’t like Sasuke had been entirely without good points. Politically, Naruto’s love life would be a nightmare if he ever decided to admit it existed. It was gratifying to hear that, logistically, he was one of the safest bets. Nothing could stop Naruto from falling for someone else entirely, maybe even a civilian, but of Naruto’s precious people, Sai did stand a pretty good chance.

But Naruto didn’t care about logistics, when feelings were at play. Naruto didn’t have intrinsic ties to his clan name, and clan politics in general made as much sense to him as a salad. (None.)

Sasuke wasn’t out of the running, and neither was anyone else. Even if they decided to forfeit, as though this was a legitimate competition, if Naruto ever decided he was in love with someone, he wouldn’t give up on them. He’d change the world, as he’d proven himself capable of doing, just to be with the one he loved.

All anyone could hope was that he'd realize he deserved it.

**Author's Note:**

> i dnt think theres ever any general/common triggers in the story but of course feel free to tell me if you think i should tag something. 
> 
> the characters cant possibly be as ooc as kishimoto himself wrote them LOL also i mean....i respect women also, theres that. not to spoil anything but our boy sai spends 14k living in unrequited territory while his two bffs r the MOST in love soooooo.....but yeah ngl i am the Least Aware of naruto lore and i dont fucking CARE ok. i just want sai to be in love.
> 
> also tbh idk where the line is drawn with honorifics but i wanna stay true to sais like...fake respect lmfao "yes ill call sasuke sasuke-san when hes around or if hes listening or just in case hes listening but just know that PERSONALLY. i think hes a bit of a bitch." idk i know hes very blunt when he knows he can be but i still honestly think sasuke intimidates him. probably wont last lmao (WAIT im worried ive made it sound like ive consumed any canon naruto content. oh dear :( oh no )
> 
> nxt time, whenever that is: sasuke and sai have a cute little fight, and sai has a very heavy talk with his bff abt motherhood and he has an impromptu birthday :)


End file.
